Three Hitmen and One Angry Miner

OK so I saw three movies this weekend, two of them very entertaining, and one not so much. The movies were In Bruges, Crank, and My Bloody Valentine 3D.

In Bruges (Colin Ferrell) was, despite all of the gore and such, surprisingly funny and sweet. I definitely recommend it especially since Collin Ferrell won a Golden Globe award for it. It's also a great addition to the "hitman" genre. OK, a one sentence summary. Two hitmen go to Bruges, Belgium for an assignment, but it turns out the assignment was to give Colin Ferrell a nice vacation before the other hitman eventually is assigned to kill him. The problem is, they become friends. I won't give anything else away. I already spoiled the whole twist of the movie.

Crank was, well, another movie where Jason Statham hits a bunch of thugs in the face with inanimate objects but nevertheless was extremely entertaining. I'm going to summarize the movie in one really long sentence. It's about a hitman who chooses not to kill some triad gang boss, so his boss gets really pissed and gives him some Chinese drug which makes his heart slow down, so basically he has to keep his adrenaline up while he goes and kicks his boss's ass. There's a lot of really fast driving and chugging of insane amounts of Red Bull, so I highly recommend it. A sequel for it is coming out soon so get on it! It's great fun for a Sunday afternoon and don't listen to the video store guy because he'll say it sucks. The thing is, there's so little to the movie that it can't possibly suck so just ignore him and rent it.

My Bloody Valentine 3D was ridiculously bad. I mean, some of the 3D parts were fun but it was utter trash. I know it's not supposed to be quality film making but evidently the original is quite good (as far as slasher flicks go) so this one must be a major disappointment. I really tried to make it work; I went with a bunch of friends, there were teenage girls in the audience, a perfect formula for seeing a horror movie. But nooooooo, a four year-old could've made a scarier movie. I believe I jumped once. The worst part was that every "scary" scene was directly borrowed from other movies. And I mean verbatim. The best part of the movie was a tie between the scene were the fully naked blonde chick is running away from the old miner for at least four minutes through a motel, or when the retired cop gets his jaw ripped out with a pick-axe. Yep, pretty creative.